| (no subject) |
[Jul. 20th, 2008|12:32 pm] |
Roar.
No one visits this site, I think, if i badmouth people i'll be safe? Nevermind. Whatever.
i know i haven't been updating for months? Or i haven't even touched my computer for years.I don't bother to online, because i think it will still the same, no one will be talking to me online, except mama, but sometimes she will still ignore me because of her animae shows-.-
Well, i guess just everything just goes well without the presence of me. Not that i'm saying that i'm going to commit suicide or what, but let me ask me ask you, what if all of your friends are deciding on an outing, and they never ask you, or even tell you about it? The sadden thing was, they talking it in front of you, they were discussing so happily, just like you are a piece of transparent glass they just think you aren't there at all. And people will start asking you this: 'Why aren't with them?' How am i going to answer? 'Ya, we are alright, just that i got things to do.'?
People were envious that i have alot of freedom, so? All these freedom I've got, the time i've got, listed like a thousands miles away. So? People are already have they own friends out they partying, without you. Either you are lacking behind time, or they just don't want you to join in at all. And what they talking about? you didn't know at all. Really. At all. Nothing at all, When you asked them, they would say: 'tell you later,' or worse still, they would just continue with their own conservations. I don't know if they really didn't hear it or really wanted to ignore me. When they say: ' tell you later,' their 'later' can be forever. Really. And when they found out what you've said/or thought of, they would draw conclusions; 'we didnt left you out at all,is you left the group.' or, they might said it in their heart or behind you, "Yes, bingo, you got it correct."
I didn't left the group at all. Just that everything just went wrong. They are sitting together at one corner, while you are at the far end of the class. And we all had different subject combinations, so, sometimes, some of them will be in the same class, worse come to worse, you are all alone in the class.
The number of times i've encountered this, you might need your toes to count, some lasted long like years, while some lasted just for a day. I don't know why it always happened to me, i really don't know. Is it heaven is gonna punished me? For some reasons? Or is it sometimes when you have good times and slowly after that you will experience darkened days? But seems my dark days are getting darker and darker.
Some of you all might think: Why not ask them out? No use, they would say they are busy. Sometimes it's the truth, but sometimes, it's not.
Or why not ask them: You all deciding on an outing, never ask me along. I hate to say that, because, that' not me. and sometimes the results you get might be different:
1. They might be giving you a surprise. But at times, This kind of thinking, is always different from the reality. Only occur one out of hundred.
2. They would ask you to go, Because you knew it. Actually. they dont really want you to go.i hate it. If you are unhappy in asking me out, might well don't ask me, even i knew it. In the end, i will also led to unhappiness.
3. They might say the people going you might not know.
4. Or they even say, it's a couples outing. You cant go because you didn t have one.
What i needed now, is just a listening ear. |
|
|
![[info]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/userinfo.gif){kind=small}
single_j's journal
lonely